Kidults

Kidults = adult children still sleeping in their childhood bedrooms because they can't afford a place of their own. Some parents refuse to accept rent and do all their chores. But this is not healthy for them or their parents so here are some tips to get things back on track.

1. Redefine your boundaries. Have an adult conversation on neutral territory - go out for a meal or a drink. Don't just outline what you want - ask them what they expect from you. Cover all subjects, including having a partner to stay.

2. Agree house rules. Have a clear list of things you won't be doing for them any more. You may not mind doing their laundry, but it is not helping them to be independent. It is up to them to take responsibility for having clean underwear or an ironed shirt to wear. Accept that the kitchen is not your sole domain any more - if they have been living away form home, presumably they have had a taste of shopping and cooking for themselves and keeping their personal space tidy. If you start doing all these things, they are going to lose their skills. So allocate household chores and ask them to cook a meal or two a week, including getting the food. They will probably enjoy it - and so may you.

3. Ask them to pay rent. They should pay you at least a modest amount if they are earning. It's not just to protect your finances, but also to teach them about the costs of living. Depending on individual circumstances, either a percentage of their income (e.g. 30%) or what you agree between you they can afford. After all, they are using lighting, heating and water as well as living space.

• You can earn up to £4,250 a year in rent (2015 figures) under the Government's rent a Room Scheme. If they pay more than that, to claim your tax-free allowance, keep a record of payments and opt into the scheme when you complete a tax return.

[My tip: You could choose to save the money for something specific. For example, I was an adult living at home for just over a year, and my parents saved the rent I paid them and used it for their contribution to my wedding reception.]

4. Be a financial advisor, not a fixer. Many 20-somethings see their parents as an unlimited source of funds. Research shows that of young adults who made financial mistakes, 42% had borrowed from parents or friends, and 11% had moved back home.

• If they are in a fix, sit down with them and look at their budgeting skills.
• They need to make their own financial mistakes so they can learn from them. While you can support and advise, make it clear you won't bail them out or subsidise indefinitely.
• Remind them that in order to get a good mortgage deal in the future they need to be building a financial profile and a credit history. Are they on the electoral roll, is their mobile contract in their own name, do they have a credit card?
• There's plenty of money advice around: Moneysavingexpert.co.uk/family/young-adults-moneysaving/ and Moneyadviceservice.org.uk and for free debt counselling try citizensadvice.org uk and nationaldebtline.org and stepchange.org.

5. Help them look for work, but don't find it for them. Children are twice as likely to be living at home because they don't have a job. Offer to read over their CV, but don't go looking for jobs for them. Don't nag - their self-esteem will drop and they'll be less likely to keep looking for work. Useful websites are: Gov.uk/jobsearch and How2gethired.co.uk (advice on writing CVs and preparing for job interviews) and Bigdog.co.uk (careers advice) and goodhousekeeping.co.uk/money/work-experience-scheme (applying and securing valuable work experience).

6. Encourage them to find their own place. The high cost of buying and renting is often cited as the ley reason for young adults living in the parental home. Before you hand them a large sum for a deposit, think about the provision you need to make for your own old age. You can use your experience with calculations and suggest ways they can achieve their financial goals. Try to avoid getting tied up in their mortgage arrangements as guarantor, if at all possible, as you become the lender's insurance policy - making you liable if your kids default.

Feature in Good Housekeeping, February 2015