In her 80s when she wrote this book, she drew on her own experiences as an immigrant to the UK and an agony aunt to successive generations and different nationalities in India, Africa, the USA and the UK. The book focuses on the Indian population, but the issues apply equally to Pakistani, Chinese, Arab, Polish, Bulgarian, Turk, Kurd or any other ethnic group who come to the UK.
Migration has always been the way the world has been settled by humans. Britain was first settled after the Ice Age, and further population groups have settled here in the years since. Equally, the British have been emigrants and settled in other countries - America, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, India, Africa.
In the 1950s Britain was short of people to work in the factories and foundries, and both Asians and Caribbeans were recruited. Initially it was young men, wanting to earn enough to send home to families. They brought with them their own languages, religions and cultures, and later began families here with wives from 'back home'. For any immigrant, of whatever background, it is normal to interact with people who share your life experience, so immigrants tend to cluster together. As the ratio of immigrant to 'native' increases, areas become single community instead of mixed. As more generations are born, there are tensions between the old ways and new freedoms, and judging the host nation as deficient in morals, standards and discipline, simply because they are different.
The book goes into some detail about Asian, particularly Indian life, and how it differs from British. Asians are by nature hospitable, and believe it is lucky to invite guests into their homes. Indian society is based on family and tradition. The honour of the family is paramount, so divorce brings shame, as does marrying out of the community, or unmarried pregnancy. Family structure is still multi-generational and businesses are also linked to the family. Businesses run by Indians are most often serving their own community. This means that close family are often preferred marriage partners (though this has resulted in inbreeding and a higher proportion of genetic disorders). There is an expectation by parents that daughters and daughters-in-law will be submissive, though this can result in some (not all) being treated as servants. The focus is on sons, and they are often indulged, as there is the expectation that they will look after the parents in their old age. It is common for Asian men have one standard for themselves, and subject their wives to suspicion, jealousy and violent behaviour. For Indian parents, the challenge is to learn to let go.
Arranged marriages are the norm still, though some parents allow the son or daughter to refuse a potential partner. There are issues over the dowry system, and crimes associated with it. In India, evermore extravagant wedding celebrations can go on for days, in a bid to impress. If both partners to an arranged marriage are happy with the situation, their relationship can grow. Both arranged and non-arranged marriages can be a disaster.
"Britain has its own traditional values and it should be proud of them and resist changes to these traditions, particularly when they are attacked for being non-inclusive for people of a different origin. They are British traditions and if immigrants do not like them, they should not seek to persuade a government to change them so the country becomes all things to all men."
Both sides must show a willingness to find a way to co-exist, and that has to be through education. Where schools are truly mixed, immigrant children often develop a dual persona - home and school. But if the immigrant community is large enough, they may be the majority ethnicity in a school. Typically British schools follow a standard curriculum, and faith studies are comparative. But encouraging faith schools to stand alone and promote themselves as different leads to deeper division and not integration. Governments must root out extreme views and divisive teaching, and ensure that teaching does not promote some cause.
- Racism comes from the fear of the unknown, whether food, dress, music, or customs.
- Culture is not 'pure' and unchanging. Some change is consensual and some can be forced on people.
- Traditions are just that, a repeated ritual and all evolve over time.
- Language - having a language in common helps understanding, but some natives command of English can be poor.
- Religion - the only certainty is that we all die and no-one knows what happens after death. Faith at its best provides moral guidelines for a just society.
- Education - humans are naturally inquisitive.
- Commerce - for many people, the acquisition of wealth becomes paramount. Asians are prone to this.
- Isolation - you can be alone at home, or in a crowded room, town or country.
- Envy - put envy and greed together and you get anger.
- Don't deliberately try to integrate. Accept distinctions and different dress, but accept British rules and laws.
- All peoples eventually adapt and evolve and the following will happen: incomers will (a) conform, (b) leave or (c) influence their hosts in customs and traditions.
- Explore and enjoy the difference. Some incomers may choose British clothing styles, while some natives may choose to follow another religion, or even none.
- Some immigrants come to abuse and milk the welfare system, and they should be dealt with swiftly and forcefully.
- There is no point in apportioning blame as the damage has already been done, instead focus on recovery.
- Share where possible. Music and the arts are good areas for this.
- Accept it will take time and effort on both sides.
- Stop thinking about each other as groups, communities or races and start treating each other as individuals.
