John Murray, 2013 (ISBN: 978-1-84854-712-4)
Best to read the book as it details the experiences of raising children in France from a non-French person's viewpoint and the basic philosophy of French childcare. However, the following are the best tips though you still need to read the book to get the reasoning and how to carry it out.
- Do not forget you are the Chief (and not a friend).
- Do not back down. Be clear and firm on the main rules, e.g. using the car seat, bedtimes, table manners, etc.)
- Structure / ritual creates discipline.
- Children are tougher than you think.
- Let the punishment fit the crime. (Crayon on the wall? Get child to wash it off for 1 minute - enough time to realise how hard it is to remove.)
- Do not be afraid of right and wrong.
- Don't rely on stuff (toys, clothes, sweets) as rewards to ensure good behaviour.
- There is no need for constant attention and approval. Children have to learn to do things themselves (shoe laces, buttons) and engage in independant play.
- If there is no blood, don't get up from the settee. Don't try and sort out their play / friend problems unless bullying, etc, is involved.
- Teach your child to wait.
- Teach your child to respect your needs too.
- Remain calm in the face of tears / tantrums.
- Send to room if criticise Mum / Dad (or for example, a meal) but allow them to express an opinion: "Sorry, I tasted it and don't like it" is ok, "That's disgusting" is not.
- Food. Get children to help in the kitchen. (Try the Saturday night spectacular: each person, including children, makes a course of the meal - starter, veg course, main course, dessert - and plans, buys ingredients and then cooks together. Lay / decorate the table and eat together.) Try themed meals. Minimal or no snacks between meals.
- Gifts and Money. Limit presents; if children have too many toys, they don't play with all of them. Keep birthday celebrations small. Few French children have an allowance; they are expected to do chores as part of the family, usually without payment. If paying for some chores, limit the amount per week or total paid. Occasional rewards are fine, but again keep them small - children are happy with post-it note pads, pencils, etc.
- TV. Limit viewing - watching tv often 'pysches' children up.
- Teach children careful dressing - what is appropriate for different occasions, what goes with what.
- Limit the number of different after school activities - they need time to be themselves. Accept they may try things out one after another before settling on specific long-term ones.
- Discipline outside the home. Try whispering as it really seems to get a child's attention - bring the child close to you and whisper quietly and calmly what it is they are doing wrong and why they must behave. Try this at home as well.
