Atlantic Books, London, 2015 978-1-84887-8-594
Ch.1
Swimming through the school of hard knocks. Increasing evidence that a rich network of face-to-face relationships helps us fight disease. Good social contact (not hostility)
instructs the body to secrete more endogenous opiates, which act as painkillers,
and fewer hormones such as adrenaline, noradrenaline and corticosteroids, which
can have a bad effect on our tissues and our physical resilience.
How social
contact helps: Access to timely information valuable to you (people
you know who refer you to the best medical care, clinical trials and
experimental drugs). Material assistance (transport to appointments /
treatments, baby-sitting and child care, meal preparation. Mood and health
boosting effect of having loved ones nearby.
Studies show
that: Socially isolated women have an elevated risk of dying of cancer. Socially
isolated men who already had cancer were more likely to die prematurely. Socially
isolated female lab rats developed 84 times as many breast (and bigger) tumours
as female rats living in groups.
Social
isolation alters the expression of genes in every cell of the body, and
confuses the body’s usual reactions to disease and stress. However, individuals
vary in the amount and type of social contact they need to avoid feeling
lonely. Support from female friends releases oxytocin, which has both analgesic
and euphoric effects.
There is no
connection between mood (being positive) and breast cancer outcomes. Studies
that ask people to identify stressful events that could be linked to the onset
of cancer are affected by the fact that human memory is highly selective;
someone with a cancer diagnosis is more likely to remember stressful events.
Ch. 2
It takes a village to raise a centenarian. Almost everywhere in the
world men die on average of 5 to 7 years before women do, and there are 6
female centenarians to every male centenarian. But in one area of Sardinia (and
in other ‘Blue Zone’ mountainous regions), 10 times as many men live past the
age of 100 as men living elsewhere. Although belonging to community is a key
factor, extreme longevity runs in families in the area. Geographic and genetic
isolation may select for social cohesion – most people will be family to some
degree. The genetic component appears to be transmitted via the maternal line.
The global
phenomenon of widowed people dying soon after their spouses is lessened when
someone who is grieving is surrounded by lots of other widowed people,
especially if they are women.
Some supposed long-lived areas are false – claims about family
members are exaggerated, records often don’t exist or are unreliable. In Japan,
men who moved to cities for work in the boom years died alone, but families
assumed they were still alive.
However, in
tightly knit villages, the powerful sense of cohesion is counterbalanced by an
equally powerful distrust of outsiders (including residents of neighbouring
towns.
Oxytocin and
vasopressin, which are secreted into the bloodstream when we form and maintain
meaningful relationships, help wound healing and damp down stress.
Health and
longevity is promoted by conscientiousness and hard work, combined with a
large, active network of family, friends and community ties. It seems to be
important to be part of a community through several activities and
relationships, not just one.
Ch. 3
A thousand invisible threads. Most psychologists agree that the
protective effects of religion are primarily social. Acts of altruism – mutual
aid. Coordinated social rituals (praying, chanting, singing, swaying) all together
in the same room feels good.
Mirror
neurones are motor cells that fire when someone else moves. They don’t
help you imagine what someone else feels, they take you through the action.
This is why we flinch when we someone is about to be smacked, and why yawning,
scratching and coughing are contagious. We also unconsciously mirror the
actions of someone we are talking to.
Fertility is
contagious between siblings – starting with a sister’s pregnancy, siblings
follow suit (the birth of a child to a brother has no effect). The strongest
effect is on siblings who live close to each other.
Ch. 4
Who’s coming to dinner? Socialising with friends can help you fight of
loneliness and chronic illness, but can also (especially with certain people)
trash your self-control and make you fatter. While not the only factor in
weight gain, if your best friend or sister was overweight, you’d be more likely
to put on weight too. Obesity contagion can move from person to person but
peters out after three social links; it is most likely with face-to-face
contact with someone you have a tight emotional bond. We match our eating to
what our friends are consuming (women more likely to do this); we eat more when
face-to-face with people in our circle and less when eating alone or with
strangers.
The only
effective commercial weight loss approach is Weight Watchers – keeping track of
food intake, attending weekly meetings, praise for any loss – the social
support is crucial, as it is with groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous. How much
you drink is also influenced by your social group.
Many
societies use social ostracism to punish; this effectively disables some
aspects of cognitive functioning; younger people are more affected than older
people.
Improved
skills in reading, writing, arithmetic, academic level, etc, are linked to
eating family dinners. The more meals you eat with your child, the larger their
vocabulary and the higher their grades. Boys with a gene variant that predicts
violent behaviour seem protected from displaying aggression by sitting down to
eat with their families. Discussion of a child’s experiences links family meals
to later better achievement. Shared meals help children to pick up subtleties
of language and social interaction.
12 year old
girls who regularly eat with their families at the beginning of middle school
had half the odds of other kids their age of drinking, smoking or using
marijuana at 17, and were less likely to develop eating disorders. Those who
don’t eat regularly with their family were almost twice as likely to attempt
suicide.
Ch. 5
Body chemistry. Scholars have linked breast feeding (especially the
first 6 months) to reduced rates of diarrhoea, meningitis, urinary infections,
sudden infant death syndrome, necrotizing enterocolitis, ear infections and
respiratory tract infections. It is also associated with boosted intelligence,
fewer behavioural problems in childhood and eventually upward social mobility.
Breast
feeding seems to make most babies healthier and smarter, regardless of social
class. While feeding, you talk to the baby face-to-face, smile at them, sing to
them. Babies brains are designed to interact with people. New evidence
indicates that indifferent or abusive parenting, or a screen substituted for
social contact, can alter the young child’s brain circuitry and lead to school
failure or heart disease. Kangaroo care (where the baby has skin to skin
contact): babies feel less pain with medical procedures if they have
skin-to-skin care afterwards. Holding babies reduced signs of post-partum
depression in new mothers. Maternal TLC (tender, loving care) increases a
baby’s resilience.
Interacting
with a new baby substantially increases the grey matter in a woman’s
pre-frontal cortex, parietal lobes and the mid-brain, including areas linked to
memory, emotion, reward and coordinated movement. The mother’s sense of smell
is rewired during pregnancy; she becomes attuned to the smell of her infant and
other aromas may smell awful (it may be this that drives pregnancy food
cravings and aversions). We are biologically prepared to react with tender
feelings to the large heads, eyes and ears of infants. This also improves
certain abilities – seeing something ‘cute’ helps people focus.
The Dutch
Hunger Winter (Nov. 1944 to May 1945) adversely affected babies in the womb in
that period, and this affect seems to be transmitted to their children and
grandchildren.
Ch. 6
Digital natives. Parents in a US program (where they were given
children’s books) read to their children 10 times as often as other parents,
and boosted their children’s languages skills (understanding and speaking).
Children who are heavy media users get lower grades. The children of British
teenagers are far less educated and twice as likely to be poor as the children
of older mothers. The teenage mothers interact less with their babies and
toddlers.
In lower
class homes there tends to be a much starker boundary between the adult world
and the children’s world; children are left to organize their own playtime, and
spending less time with adults and more with screens. Babies born to poor
families ‘watch’ up to 3½ hrs of TV a day before the age of two – this level of
viewing seems to be associated with a higher rate of language delay in
toddlers.
For children,
social cues highlight what and when to learn. Even young infants are
pre-disposed to people watch and are motivated to copy the actions they see
others do. Watching TV displaces face-t-face interaction, which is a
requirement of early language development.
Online
networks are fantasy worlds of idealised digital personae, selfies and status
updates which make public conflicts and social exclusions. Girls who use social
media a lot are more likely to feel excluded an unhappy. Part of the brain that
registers pain also becomes activated when people feel socially excluded. We
all give off subtle signals that allow us to ‘read’ someone else’s mind; these
are primarily non-verbal and are missing from digital personae. Children whose
mothers discussed other people’s feelings and intentions grew up to be more
empathic that their peers.
Ch. 7.
Teens and screens. Developing and grooming a loyal circle of friends is
a major adolescent milestone. Mobile phones have replaced phone calls and
face-to-face contact as the process though texting gives instant access but no
social clues.
The
pre-frontal cortex of the brain is where planning, problem-solving and decision
making take place, but develops later than other cortical areas of the brain.
Development of the visual cortex peaks at 6 months and winds down by age 5, but
the pre-frontal cortex development goes on till late adolescence or early
adulthood.
Online
harassment (cyber bullying) is increasingly common, especially during
transitions (e.g. changing school) and girls and gays are the most frequent
targets. Throughout evolutionary history, large groups were risky for women and
something to be avoided. In polygynous marriages, the odds of premature death
for children are 7 to 11 times higher than in monogamous marriages as women
will favour their own children, not cooperate as a whole group. Females prefer
smaller social groups than males.
Relying on
social media for important news updates can be chancy; a message about
someone’s death can get lost in all the other messages, or not seen in time if
you only check newsfeeds ever few days. Teenagers who already feel lonely
communicate with strangers online but then feel lonelier than before.
Kids’
self-esteem seems to rise when they own a laptop but there is no sign that
their reading or writing skills improve. Computers displace other activities
such as homework and face-to-face social contact. They are used to surf the
net, play video games and download films, music and porn rather than homework
aids.
Face-to-face
contact with a skilled teacher, even for 1 year in a child’s life, has more
impact than any laptop program, predicting a smaller likelihood of a girl
getting pregnant as a teenager, boosting the odds of attending college, earning
more than other students, living in a better neighbourhood and saving more for
retirement.
Ch. 8
Going to the chapel. Nearly 3/4 of all couples in the industrialized
world meet through social encounters.
Compared to
co-habiting, married people enjoy stronger, more stable relationships and
better physical and physiological health, and are far less likely to be
alcoholics or depressed, and live happier, longer lives. Couples who live
together are happier than people who are single or divorced. If a couple plan
on marriage when they move in together, cohabitation presents no risks to the
relationship and therefore their happiness, but if cohabiting ‘just happens’,
couples are more likely to split than married couples.
Spouses in
good marriages damp down each other’s stress levels. Unmarried women are more
likely to die young than if married; single or divorced men are 250% more
likely to die prematurely than married men at any age. Being married
significantly reduces your chances of being hospitalized, needing surgery,
dying in hospital after surgery or within 15 yrs of a coronary bypass
procedure; developing pneumonia, rheumatoid arthritis, gum disease, a viral
infection, dementia, clinical depression, a serious cardiac event, a serious
cardiac event or a variety of cancers; going to jail, being murdered, dying in
a car accident, or taking your own life. A 2008 study showed happily married
adults had lower night time blood pressure, so a lower risk of a catastrophic
cardiac event. Another study showed happily married women had fewer sleep
problems.
Unhappy
relationships give rise to physiological issues. Women experience this in their
vascular and immune systems, and emotional memory later on can activate the
same damaging neural networks as experiencing the conflict did in the first
place. Men keep their problems to themselves instead of being able to confide
in their wives.
On the death
of their wives, men are at a heightened risk of sudden death or suicide because
of extreme loneliness. Women, who have more social support, are not.
Religion
brings like-minded people together, binding them with songs, prayers, stories
and acts of kindness that make them feel good about themselves and the people
around them. Religious rituals lean heavily on the ‘honest’ signals that
establish mutual trust. Religious practice also works at group level, helping
people to stick together and solve internal conflicts.
Online
dating: four out of five people misrepresent themselves on dating sites. We are
not good at describing what attracts us – when you meet someone you’re
attracted to you don’t have the insight to describe it. The ability to face
adversity together, and to have fun as intimate friends, is more important in
the long run than being matched on the personality qualities on dating sites.
Perceiving yourselves as sharing common values and traits is what matters in a
relationship.
Ch. 9
When money really talks. Some fraudsters use their social skills to
build relationships with those they defraud. Fraud is sometimes planned ahead,
but sometimes arises through opportunity. Initial investors innocently
recommend schemes to friends. We are more vulnerable to in-group scammers we
meet in person than to faceless Nigerian princes who want our bank details.
Beauty pays;
a slightly feminine, baby-faced appearance, with arched inner eyebrows,
prominent cheekbones, and cheerful behaviour increases the impression of
trustworthiness. A more dominant, masculine-looking face, with lower inner
eyebrows and cheekbones engenders fear and the impulse to keep one’s distance.
After we’ve
made a snap judgement, we don’t usually change our minds but selectively pay
attention to whatever confirms what we’ve already decided.
Pyramid
schemes run into problems once 150 people are involved. Dunbar’s number (150)
is the limit to many examples of human communities. Sharing a coffee break with
other workers makes people more productive and boosts employee satisfaction.
END
